


I can't live without you now

by talktothesky



Series: Thallen Week 2015 [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Thallen Week 2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 05:58:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4008505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talktothesky/pseuds/talktothesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parties are not Barry’s scene at all. He is not very good at making small talk and his preferred topics of conversation are science, comic books and baseball statistics and probabilities. He is what Iris fondly calls a class A nerd. This party, in particular, is too much for Barry’s taste and patience.</p>
<p>He sighs, for what feels like the hundredth time in less than an hour, and moves to the kitchen once again to fill his cup with water. He is in charge of driving back to the apartment he and Iris share right outside of campus so he has not drank a drop of alcohol all night. Maybe if he had the party would be a little more bearable. </p>
<p> <br/><i>(Thallen Week - Day 1: Soulmate AU.)</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	I can't live without you now

**Author's Note:**

> I am so excited to be posting this here. I have already posted it to my Tumblr but everyone has been so nice about it and the support has made me decide to upload it to AO3 as well. I love the works that the Thallen Week is encouraging fans to create and I am seriously so in love with fans of this pairing: everyone is so nice and welcoming and I am meeting amazing people thanks to Eddie and Barry. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it <3
> 
> Title from the song Stomach Tied In Knots by Sleeping With Sirens.

Parties are not Barry’s scene at all. He is not very good at making small talk and his preferred topics of conversation are science, comic books and baseball statistics and probabilities. He is what Iris fondly calls a class A nerd. This party, in particular, is too much for Barry’s taste and patience.

He sighs, for what feels like the hundredth time in less than an hour, and moves to the kitchen once again to fill his cup with water. He is in charge of driving back to the apartment he and Iris share right outside of campus so he has not drank a drop of alcohol all night. Maybe if he had the party would be a little more bearable. 

The kitchen is mostly empty except for some people chatting and looking for unopened beer bottles. Barry moves to the sink and fills his cup, taking a long gulp of fresh water. He repeats the action once more before closing the tap and leaning heavily against the counter. He takes his phone out of his pocket and tries to distract himself by looking at his emails. He wishes he could go home already and join Cisco online for the Halo marathon that Barry knows he is having right now (as he does every Saturday night), but he promised Iris they would stay at least a couple hours at the party and he does not like the disappointed look that Iris throws his way when she says, _“Barry, we’re in college. You’re supposed to be having fun, being wild and meeting people.”_

Thing is, Barry loves college. He loves his classes and even though he doesn’t have many friends he is very close to Cisco and Caitlin (who he met during freshmen year) and by extension he also hangs out with Caitlin’s boyfriend Ronnie a lot, so it’s not like he doesn’t have a social life. He also has Iris and his internship in the police department, so his time is mostly filled, thank you very much.  

So, Barry really does love college but he doesn’t see the appeal of the “college experience” _at all._ Iris insists it has to do with expanding his horizons and having a taste of the world but Barry has taken to staring blankly at her when she brings up the topic until she gives up and walks away muttering exasperatedly about _“stubborn and difficult idiots”_. Sometimes, though, Iris pushes a little  the issue, brown eyes wide and pleading when she asks him, “Don’t you want to meet them?”

Them. Barry’s soul mate. That faceless and ever-present person in Barry’s life.

Unconsciously, Barry starts lightly stroking the mark on his wrist feeling the spark of electricity that always surges him from head to toe when he caresses the horizontal line embedded on his skin. Marks are rare and worshipped, and Barry feels blessed when he thinks of what the future could have in store for him (he’s a romantic at heart), but marks can also be stressful and consuming, more so if you’re the only person in your group of friends who has it. 

Barry’s parents were soul mates and, before they died, Barry always used to ask his mother to tell him the story of how they met and how they realized they were destined to be together. Barry remembers how his mother’s eyes shone when talking about his father, the love in her voice almost palpable. Kids used to question him about it in preschool, wondering with childlike curiosity what being soul mates was like.  But then his parents died, and he resented the idea of soul mates for so long. What good does it do if you have a soul mate if you can still leave behind people that you love? Soul mates, Barry realized the hard way, were as human as the rest of the people, their lives just as fragile and breakable.

Later, for some time during his teenage years, Barry hung desperately on to the idea of soul mates when he found himself desperately in love with his best friend. He took to picturing his future with Iris, dreaming of both of them getting their marks on their 16th birthdays and Iris realizing what that could entail. Barry loved thinking of how their first kiss would happen, of how surely their lips would touch and their names would appear on the other’s left wrist, their hearts getting permanently sewed together. When he woke up on his 16th birthday with the mark on his wrist he thought all his dreams were coming true, but when mere months later the same mark didn’t appear on Iris he felt like the world had stopped spinning for him. It took time for him to accept and even more time for him to understand that love is not something es easy as bearing a mark or desiring with your whole soul that something will happen the way you want it to.

Now at 20, Barry still thinks of his parents and their bond, he remembers the butterflies he used to feel once simply by being near Iris, and he sometimes lets himself wonder about his soul mate. What are they like? Have they ever been in love before? Do they also feel like their hearts are tugging in their chests as if they were looking for their rightful owner?

Barry shakes his head at the thoughts and quickly stops touching his left wrist with his right hand. He feels a little disoriented and he frowns while he sips his water carefully, his desire to leave the party increasing by the second but still feeling like something is holding him back. He should find Iris and beg her to go, or he should maybe ask her if she can catch a ride with a friend, tell her he is feeling a little light-headed and he just wants to go to bed, but his feet stay planted on the ground. His heartbeat accelerates and Barry turns around to wash his face on the sink, feeling instantly better when the cold water touches his skin.

“Barry!” Iris voice sounds bubbly and energetic and Barry turns around to see her enter the kitchen with a light skip in her step. Next to her is the most beautiful man Barry has ever seen and his breath catches for a second or two as his best friend approaches him with the blonde boy in tow.

The man is tall, blue eyes bright and twinkling, looking at Barry so intensely it makes him dizzy. He’s wearing a sinful white t-shirt that shows off his amazing arms and Barry really hopes he isn’t drooling right now but he’s sure that with his luck, he must have already left a puddle on the floor. Not that anyone could blame him, though.

“Barry!” Iris repeats, waving her hand in front of Barry’s eyes startling him.

“What?” he stutters, blinking rapidly trying to break out of his fog.

“Are you okay?” his best friend worries, concern clear in her eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Barry assures her. “I was just feeling a bit dizzy before.”

“Oh” Iris frowns looking between Barry and the gorgeous blond man. “Eddie was also feeling a bit unsettled so I told him we should find a less crowded place.”

_Eddie._ At the sound of the name something settles inside Barry, like a ship that has been waiting months to find shore. 

“Yeah, I feel better now. Thanks, Iris.”  The man - _Eddie_ -  speaks for the first time, voice soft and a little raspy. 

“You’re welcome.” Iris responds smiling and Barry doesn’t take his eyes away from her, afraid that if he looks at Eddie from such close distance he won’t ever be able to stop doing so. Iris suddenly startles and pats her head with her hand, “ What’s wrong with me? I haven’t even introduced you two.” She points to Eddie and Barry respectively. “Barry, this is Eddie, I met him at my Conflict Resolution course. Eddie, this is Barry, my best friend.”

Barry has to finally look at the other man, and Eddie’s smile is blinding. “Nice to meet you.” The blond extends his hand and Barry takes it. “I’ve heard plenty about you.”

“Um,” Barry flushes. “All lies, I’m sure.”

Eddie breathes out a laugh, “No, Iris told me you were cute and you really are, so…”

Barry’s eyes widen and he must look like a fish, his mouth agape and heat rising to his cheeks. Iris is trying to stifle her laughter but failing and it only makes Barry more embarrassed. 

“She didn’t mention that you blush, though.” Eddie comments and Barry feels a caress being delivered to the back of his hand and it is then that he realizes that he’s still holding Eddie’s hand in his. “It makes you even cuter.” 

Suddenly, Iris’ laughter breaks free and echoes through the kitchen, catching the attention of the few people coming and going out of it. She presses her hands to her mouth but her shoulders still shake silently.

“Am I being too blunt?” Eddie asks and finally releases his hold of Barry’s hand, making him miss it immediately.

“No!” Barry answers promptly. “I mean,…” he tries to explain. “I don’t mind.”

“Great.” Eddie bites his bottom lip and he catches Barry’s eyes following the movement, a heat surrounding them both. Their gazes lock and Barry breathes through his mouth, chest heaving. Eddie’s neck is wicked when he gulps, Adam’s Apple standing out prominently and making Barry crazy with the thought of marking him up.

The sound of Iris clearing her throat breaks the boys’ daze, but the flames are still burning them from the inside. They haven’t known each other for longer than five minutes and yet Barry feels at home in this tiny kitchen looking at him. A quiet but insistent thought is trying to make way in Barry’s mind but he’s still adamant in ignoring it for now.

Iris claps her hands and smiles at them both, “Well, I can sense when I’m not wanted around so.. Bye, guys. Enjoy yourselves and all that.”

Before exiting the room, Iris turns around and winks at Barry over Eddie’s shoulder and Barry wonders how long Iris has been planning on introducing them both.

The music coming from the speakers in the living room is muffled by the thick walls of the kitchen but Barry can make out Taylor Swift singing about ex-lovers and players, people singing along to the words enthusiastically. Between the boys, however, a silence has settled, a silence that is not awkward or uncomfortable. 

Eddie moves to stand next to Barry instead of in front of him, resting his body on the counter, his shoulder brushing Barry’s. He throws his head back and closes his eyes, humming under his breath and tapping the rhythm of the music with his fingers on his own thighs. Barry uses Eddie’s distraction to look at him without reservations, studying his posture and his profile. Eddie looks at ease, magnificent in simple jeans and torn sneakers. His hair is rumpled and his cheeks unshaved. Barry’s stomach is in knots. He doesn’t think he has ever seen a more beautiful sight.

Eddie’s eyes open just as Barry’s gaze is returning to his face and their eyes meet again, a conversation held in blinks and fluttering of eyelashes. Barry shuffles, discreetly trying to get closer to Eddie, as if they were two magnets inevitably attracted to one another. Eddie’s smile makes it clear that Barry is not being as subtle as he hoped, but then the blond moves closer to him without hesitation, pressing their legs together, and Barry finds no regrets in needing the proximity.

The song changes in the living room, something more electronic and louder, when one of Eddie’s hands finds one of Barry’s. The man hooks his pinky finger around Barry’s and is still looking intensely at him.

“Is this okay?” Eddie asks, voice wavering slightly. Barry’s heart tugs strongly inside of his chest as he nods and Eddie’s grin widens. 

Only a few seconds pass before Eddie breaks the silence again, “Can I say something crazy?”. 

Barry shrugs, trying to show indifference but he can practically feel his blood pumping through his veins. “Sure.”

Eddie’s voice lowers, barely audible above the noise coming from the rest of the house, “I have a feeling about you, Barry.”

Barry’s heart tugs again at the sound of his name on Eddie’s lips for the first time and his fingers itch to touch Eddie now that his suspicions have been confirmed. Eddie feels it too: the pull, the desire, the need. For the first time since meeting him, Barry lets himself look for it and when his eyes find it something unravels inside his body. The mark is there, in Eddie’s left wrist, calling him, tempting and taunting. Before he can stop himself and doubt his actions, Barry reaches with his free hand towards Eddie’s left wrist and barely grazes the mark with his fingertips. It feels hot to the touch and strangely enough, it brings up smells and tastes to his memory. It feels like vanilla and pancakes, lazy Sunday mornings and warm bubble baths. 

When he pulls his eyes away from the point of contact he is not surprised to find Eddie already staring at him but his face is a lot closer than it was before. Slowly, Barry pulls his fingers away from Eddie’s mark and he swears that Eddie makes an aborted motion to follow the touch. 

Eddie’s hot breaths reach Barry’s own mouth and Barry desperately needs to feel their lips touching. He wants it all, but fear creeps in his mind. Eddie seems oblivious to Barry’s sudden doubts, too distracted looking at the taller man’s lips and advancing towards them. He’s millimeters away, getting ready for the defining moment when Barry turns his head the other way, making Eddie’s lip hit his cheek instead of their real target.

When Barry turns his head the look of utter disappointment in Eddie’s face crushes him and he doesn’t hesitate when framing Eddie’s face between the palms of his hands. 

“Hey, Eddie.” The shudder that travels through Eddie lets Barry know that him saying Eddie’s name for the first time affected the blond man as much as hearing Eddie say his name affected him. “I want to kiss you, believe me, I do.” Barry needs Eddie to understand. “I have a feeling about you too, you know?”

Eddie’s face lights up and Barry wants to make it his life mission to always make Eddie glow like that.

“But,” Barry continues. “I’m so scared.”

The blond frowns, “Why?”

“What if… What if it doesn’t happen? Eddie, what if we kiss and your name doesn’t appear on my wrist? I don’t think I can take it.”

Eddie’s arm lifts so one of his hands can take a hold of Barry’s marked wrist, the touch possessive and sure. The conviction in Eddie’s eyes is almost enough to bring Barry to his knees and he makes his point even clearer when he tells Barry, “That won’t happen. “ The statement is pronounced decisively and Barry’s heart tugs again. It keeps beating like mad, looking for an escape. “I know it’s you. It’s you.”

There is no before or after, everything is _the_ kiss. Their lips touch and take and give, tongues wet and hot exploring the other’s mouth. Eddie’s hands find Barry’s hips, getting a strong hold over his t-shirt. The kiss isn’t desperate but it isn’t sweet. It’s not new but it isn’t familiar. Barry’s heart _tugs, tugs, tugs_ until it breaks free and finds its real home. But Barry’s chest doesn’t feel empty, another rhythmic pattern has settled inside it. The beating of the heart that Barry was always supposed to have. 

The separation of their lips becomes inevitable, but neither of the men move too far away from the other. Their foreheads rest together and matching smiles decorate their faces. 

Eddie is the first to verify it, even though Barry feels it in his bones and he doesn’t  need the actual confirmation. The blond brings Barry’s left arm up to place a delicate kiss on his wrist. “I told you so.”

Barry laughs melodically and taking a big breath takes hold of Eddie’s left wrist, bringing it to his eye level. There, written in his own handwriting, the name _Barry_ is tattooed onto Eddie’s skin forever.

Nervous laughter bubbles up inside him and he can’t help but let it out for a few seconds. When he feels more relaxed, he sees that Eddie is observing him with a fond gaze, patiently waiting. 

“So, soul mates.” It’s not a question and it’s not a statement. It’s wonder and amazement and a promise. Eddie is promising him the world already.

Barry still has questions, he still has doubts. Could Iris feel it? Could she somehow know about him and Eddie? Did Barry feel dizzy before in anticipation to this? Is this part only the easy one? 

But now, now is not the time for those questions, for the inquiries. Now, all that Barry can do is safely lock Eddie’s promise in his soul, create it a home within him and offer another one in return. 

“Yeah, soul mates.”

Barry’s heart has been tugging for all his life, desperately reaching for something out of sight. But now, with Eddie’s name on his wrist, Barry is not worried about where his heart has gone. He knows that if he was to place his hand in Eddie’s chest the familiar beat of his heart would be encountered. Barry’s heart has been tugging for all his life and now it can finally find peace, just as Eddie’s has done inside of him. Their hearts are with their rightful owners.

In the living room the song changes again, the strings of a guitar softly playing a hopeful tune. Parties are not Barry’s scene at all, but maybe for this one Barry can make an exception.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me at my [Tumblr](http://felicitysmoakinghot.tumblr.com). I mostly cry over Eddie Thawne and his perfection, and also show my love for Felicity and Caitlin.


End file.
